2024 has been an extraordinarily difficult year for our family. I realized that the reactions I was having to hard things and difficult people were out of proportion to what they should have been. God was putting His finger on past hurts and showing me that it's time to address them. So, I started attending the Celebrate Recovery ministry at our church. In their own words, Celebrate Recovery is a Christ-centered, Bible-based, twelve-step, eight-principle program of recovery that was designed to help people reconnect with God and heal from past hurt and pain.
Celebrate Recovery re-introduced me to the Serenity Prayer. I was very familiar with the first few lines, but not with the entirety of it. Since that first week, I've been memorizing, reciting and meditating on the Serenity Prayer throughout each day.
A big part of my discontent is my refusal to "accept hardship" and "take this sinful world... as it is." Every time something doesn't go my way, I have been fighting it. Refusing to accept reality is a losing battle and NOT a pathway to peace. No wonder I'm so exhausted from fighting!
Out of that battle against hardship emerges an ugly byproduct: self-pity. A fellow CR participant brought-up self-pity in last week's meeting and it hit me right between the eyes. All my whining, crying and complaining is less about the actual circumstances than it is about my inability to cope. So I blame others and pity myself.
It's so easy to be a victim! To not only exonerate yourself from accountability, but to seek validation and comfort from others. If I complain and whine, will they take away this discomfort? Will they have pity on me and make life easier?
I'm working on my mindset. I'm surrendering control and self-pity. Proverbs 1:7 says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction." So I'm a fool if, upon seeing how crippling this mindset is, I continue to wallow in it. I'm going to embrace growth, surrender control and make it my goal to stop "pitying the fool."
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